my shoes are worn

My shoes are worn

From every step i had to take

To get to the fact

I feel like I am never going to be worthy

Of the life I want to live

Quiet, no pain and being just me

When will this happen?

When I decide to walk away from it all

Take my husband and maybe my son

My son is being swayed by the people

Who make it seem I am crazy. 

Why is your decision to deem me crazy?

Have you lived my life?

Have you fell through so many cracks

You feel broken and sore

From all the mental beatings 

I have gotten in a few months

Those who know me, really know me

Know I am close to walking away from this society

Just find a small place where i can be with

The ones who do care or actually love me

Walk in my shoes and you find all holes

The wearing so bad i need new ones

This is not in my future at all

I don't deserve what everyone wants

I life that has meaning to me 

It was just taken

And made to mean nothing

Or to be laughed at, and then dismissed

Like my pain means damned nothing

I am not sure which is worse,

The mental anguish, or the physical pain...

Sometimes the mental anguish is more than I can handle

I go on and just want peace in my life and to know

For all the fighting I did, it was worth it.

Becky Smith