my last post...

I have done everything i could to help people and I am glad if I was able to help, but when I needed help people started to leave or not believe i was sick. I still get the symptoms i had started with in October. I have been doing my own research, why? The doctors who sat there and belittled my intelligence decide what I have or don't have, regardless if it is there in plain sight what happens when I get the symptoms. My nephew who still thinks i am scared of him had better be glad he is still around. I am tired of his stupid bullshit. He thinks he tough, only when he hides behind others or gets me from my family so he can feel big. Well guess what you will lose soon and it will be a pleasure to see you hurt for once. My son who got hurt, had to keep on hurting me with his words too. Everyone hurt me with words, knowing i was worthless by their standards made it home what my dad said to me a long time ago. I was worthless and i was nothing important. Thanks to those who felt they had to remind me of this all the time. I had been there for everyone as best as I can, when I have something really wrong the few who left hurt me just as bad, but i am good person and see past those little things. I still have in my head they would go in a heartbeat if i started complaining about my stuff again. I have to keep my pain and suffering a secret to keep others happy. I thank myself for this because I could put my stuff behind for others. It is what I wanted more than ever to help others feel good about themselves. I wanted to open a drop in center to help those who had no voice, but my voice has been dampened by the ones who can't even think i have had stuff so bad it is killing my spirit and my will to want to go on. I hope for the sake of this world we learn that all this hate has a price and all this bad mouthing people or thinking that everyone lies is going to be the down fall of this world. Help us all if we succumb to the torment we put us through just to feel good for a second. The ego is not worth losing the good in us. We all have good as well as bad, we just chose to believe the bad first. Sad fact is it is going to cause us to just die off and we are condoning the things going on. Hurting people who just want to be happy is not right and never will be. If I come back remember one thing, I fought my own mind to get back to the place where I am walking and talking. You do not want to believe it, well if it weren't for my son and hubby I would have just withered and died. Now I do not know if it was the best thing to give everyone a chance to be good to me. What hurts is that is all i ever wanted was everyone i know near and far give me something to be happy for. I can't be happy if i can't be the real me. i am not crazy or bipolar. i am angry and hurt so bad it just overruns me trying to give my own mind a good place again. I want to know happiness, but when I get always put second for things that i need help with like us losing our place, because the landlord cant admit he moved me in a bed bug infested place, even though i was willing to pay half, he still blamed me. The the bug guy tells him i did not go by his rules. really I look at my arms and legs and hands and feet and body and see the enormous amount of bites on me. I felt bad because he blamed me. then now he says i gotta go for the rent. You ass you will never ever see how wrong you are for treating people like crap. Oh well in the end does it matter? He gets what he wants i get evicted and homeless. My doctors at the Er in UH suck they sat their and treated me so bad it hurt me wholly. Did i get anything for this, did i get a sorry or a look my way to say well we were wrong. No. I guess the people who are bad get their way more than not. My nephew who used me over and over gets away with it, when I was dealing with so much I needed help. City of South Euclid would rather say it is me. Not one of them think i am normal, they think i am crazy as hell, but when my nephew sits there and belittles me to the point he is say slanderous shit he gets his due and gets away with it. To all of those people who hurt me thanks and i don't forget it but i let it go and try to deal with the fact they hurt me. i am too good of a person to let my anger keep me from helping , but i cant take the anger anymore it is not me. I am tired of being angry for  the right reason and getting nothing but condemnation.