Been thinking about things...

I have been on a so called journey is what is supposed to be the thought on my life. It is not a journey so much as it is a freaking mountainous region in my world I would rather not have to see so much of. I want a simple field with some flowers and trees around it in a way i feel good. There are real times where i feel I am not worthy of being here at all and it sucks wad. I also get this by far the most from some, why do you air your supposed dirty laundry. It is something that was said to me, but at the time it was taken that way because a little whisperer said to this person...I DO NOT LIE. Yeah when cows can talk English i will believe this one. Here are the reasons for why I sit here and show people the things i have going on.

• I am not ashamed of the things I talk about and I do know why not. 
• PTSD is a killer and it is a part of the worst things i encountered, so I speak to how I know the things I know.
• How can we learn from mistakes made, when we are too afraid to tell the truth, so I make it easier, I tell the truth. 
• Last but not least...My problems are the kinds most people sweep away and I am not afraid to talk about the "dirty little secrets" it will be seen anyways. 

These may not seem like reasons, but they are what they are and my problems are wild at times. Take this story a person who supposedly hates me for whatever reason, decides to get nasty with me the other day and I really don't get why it is my problem for the stuff they seem to do to get this type of anger I feel. I will say this to the whole thing of it...if you do not watch how you treat others, they will not care after a while if they call you out to stop the shit going on between the two of anyone, this would be me and the other person. Another list...

1. Top of the list is if you do wrong it will catch up to you and you as the person doing wrong will eventually screw up and get yourself in trouble. I have seen it many times and will stand by this one. 
2. If you cannot do more than you are for any type of reason, it does not give any other the right to judge you for it. Unless you are feeling anything I feel and have been where i have been in my head, then shut up if you think you know me and don't. it is not appreciated in the least to think you know me when you do not. 
3. Being honest and.blunt is not a bad thing...we have cursed society with too much negative for individuality because of our state of mind, or even what we have come to know. Example; If I say i have a emotional setback going on and I speak about it, that is what it is...reality.
4. Lastly.............We are all humans no matter where we come from, what we believe in and how we were raised to be. I did not have it all that good and I learned that being nice is good, but there is a price to this kind of way. Has it gotten that bad in our country that nice is the new not nice?

Believe in what I say and know. i did not come by my thinking on my own...the way of the world at this time seems to be corruption gets the upper hand in this time period. 

I say this by way pf personal experiences as of late. My own family had to see that I was not faking it when I had the problems with the doctors at the ER i usually go to. The fact is I was treated bad and the doctor who treated me was malicious in his treatment of me. No joke and not going to sugar coat that. I still am hurt by the fact he had taken his authority and abused me with it. It was that bad too...hitting me in the chest is not a safety measure when the heart is still beating at all. I thought about it a length to why I am so perturbed by this. He was very wrong and he used me for his anger, when I was not able to move enough to stop it. I wanted to die that day, really just die after he said that. (sad fact for me) My son was the saving grace in this part of the story. I just kept thinking he needs me and if I go now what will happen to my bright, behavior ridden son. He is my world and my hubby is my best friend, husband, soul mate and on and on. I love my hubby so much and thank my own head for giving him the chance to be with me for life. he was the second person I thought about. I have lost friends, hit rock bottom and thought i was lost forever in my hurt. I am not, but until I get my respect back, he will be my crux in my ass so to speak. 

Last thing to say and bold it will be. I AM ALIVE AND DEALING WITH MY HEALTH ISSUES AS BEST AS i CAN AND I DO NOT THINK ANYONE SHOULD BE OFFENDED BY MY TRYING.

To be me and know what I have felt would give a lot of people some insight, into a world no one wants to go to...such is life my friends

LOUD AND PROUD...Whether we like or not there are too many people who need to grow up and be smarter in how you treat others. I understand the background stuff, but only you can see the truth and understand it. What you say or do to others has a real effect on how the person feels when you are at a point of needing help. In the end it is the "PEOPLE" we hurt the most who deserve to be heard. Nough said.