The last few weeks has been the ride of my life. I have written about my husbands mental troubles before and kinda decided to put my own feelings off. Well Let me say this simply, I feel like I have just blown my gasket in my head. I try to sit here and make sense of how i feel and what or why it is feeling so bad, but no dice.
I am taking a couple psych meds again and to tell the truth I feel worse after taking them. At least that is how it seems. my hubby says the same thing too. i cry for no reason (well I am sure the reasons i have said are more for therapy then the meds) My opinion though is that you have to be true to yourself and say what is honest in your mind. I have had difficulty with psych meds for many long years. I had to explain to my son they over medicated me for the years i was so depressed I could barely live and take care of the things I needed to. I did, but until you go through it do not judge and say i was just getting worse. By the time I was so fed up with meds I stopped them to feel better than I was. I was right though, after I stopped them I was more like me again. Problem is I was considered non-compliant. The doctors I dealt with only saw my illness, not the trouble I was having. That is that for this part.
I want to try and take the meds I am supposed to take for my bipolar, but what if I just can't. I should not have to be looked at as a pariah for something like this. When did doctors all of a sudden become psychiatrists when they are not. It hurts when I here you have bipolar do you take meds and why not. That is a whole ball of wax I am too tired to fight about anymore.
Last thing I want to say is that I have problems with degenerative back disorder and had to find out I do not remember how, but there is stenosis in my neck and I am not sure if my back is getting worse fast or slow. I do know that I should be told when there is something wrong with a part of my body so I can learn to deal with it and get the best type of doctoring to get the best type of treatment. I am getting pain treatment by a good doctor and that is a start, hopefully he can point me in the right direction.
I did forget about the anxiety and the depression. I just want to be heard and not be told that I am non compliant or a bitch for things i really cannot help. Depression cannot be helped with pills with me, then think smart, therapy.
