Friday, August 8, 2014
I See Clearly Now...
I have been wondering why I feel so bad all the time. It is because truthfully I have forgotten how to do for myself. It is not that my friends and some family have not tried to show me or tell me they care, but to be told how bad you are because people are not ready to grow up and take responsibility for themselves, puts me in a bind with my thinking only. It does not change that I have done enough for some and they have forgotten the reality of everything surrounding them. I care about many and get so little back from certain people who do not deserve what they have gotten, which is my time and caring and taking the heat for their wrong doing with things they could have changed, they did not. I have gotten to the point i do not want to trust anyone, but I can't even stop that. I do trust some people. I also care for a few people like family. Unfortunately the family thing is just a mess. I can't change how that is either. People did not do what they were supposed to do to help the ones who could not do for themselves and they got caught in a bind that they try to lie their way out of or they do not want to be responsible for their actions. It is too hard to see that we have been pinning things on me more than anyone and I have helped as best as I could. when I complained, it was not good enough I was bitching too much or I was crazy. Just remember everyone I may seem like I am bitching, but no one really knows the whole me story and not everyone would bee able to hear what is my story. Be glad it is not your story and know that I am doing what I can with the problems and it takes time. I need a lot of time to get through all the shit I have dealt with and can't take anymore.If anyone has a beef with me take it up with me in private, because that is just the right way to do things. I will end with a pretty pic because something has got to be hopeful in this.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
event with my page on facebook
https://www.facebook.com/events/236504716544879/
https://www.facebook.com/MentalIllnessInTheFamilyHowDoYouCope
Monday, June 2, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
I decided...
I decided to look at all the blog posts i have written and kept some, but got rid of most. Why? They were not conducive to what i feel this blog should be. i have left some rants on here and all the poems i put on here. This is how the blog will be looking I hope from now on...
I am still going to be posting about my troubles with the doctors who decide who I am when they have only seen me a few times.
This is the one thing I had a deal with with a pain doc. I had trouble with a pain medication patch I was using. it started to cause rashes by the site of the patch and blisters in the inside of the patch. i had called the doc and twice was told he would get me in early. This past Thursday I reached my boiling point in how I was treated by the staff. I have a disease that will not get better. it can probably be maintained if i get the right doctors to maintain the degeneration in my back and neck. I have asked to be seen for an earlier appointment due to the problem with the medication side effects myself since i was not called. I was to absolutely not i had to wait til my appt date. If you are in pain and have been in pain to the point of crying you get that I needed to be seen to rework the pain management of my pain. Well..needless to say no one should be made to feel inferior by the staff or the doctor. I am changing doctors. I will keep on going until i get a doctor who actually understands and gives a damned about the pain issues without treating me like I am a pariah or crazy. If you have been in pain you know it can mess with the emotions a whole lot. It did for me. i felt belittled and looked down upon. Onward i go to try again. I am looking for a neuro doc to maintain my neck and back degeneration to keep me out of surgery to the best of what I can do and afford.
This is to the people who think that people who are in pain are addicts. Not all are, some do get to the point it happens. Not all do. I am not of those people who like the pain relief and not the high. The high feeling is temporary for me, but the pain relief is not. The FDA is trying to do right by pain medication, but neglect to care about the fact they knew it before and now they are cracking down. There are medications needing to be put through trials again for the simple fact that medication is a crap shoot in the first place. It has been told and there are warnings about the addictiveness of the pain meds. I have also seem psych meds being used in such that way as well. some do the same thing. if you do for one you do for others. Basically in ending this part...Not everyone gets addicted. The ones that do are not being monitored at first when it starts to show. If they were the doctors would have stopped the medication. Some cannot have them stop for the pain is real and it is harsh. Addiction needsto be looked at more closely to see the risk factors for this abuse of pills or illegal drugs. Not saying it will help, but who knows.
Doctors now more than ever treating patients with disregard when it comes to pain and mental health issues. it is sick and disgusting to see this happen to people all over. not being treated fairly and getting looked at differently, besides some of them treat you poorly just for being with less money. (opinion on last one) if they would treat people better they would get better responses from the patients most likely. Not everyone will be all good and happy, but we just want to be treated with respect.
Done with that...Good side of it is that there are many doctors out there who do give a damned and when wee find them we keep them. There should be more looking into the doctors who have conduct problems with patients and they need to be trained on the oath one more time more thoroughly. The oath is not there for fun.
I am still going to be posting about my troubles with the doctors who decide who I am when they have only seen me a few times.
This is the one thing I had a deal with with a pain doc. I had trouble with a pain medication patch I was using. it started to cause rashes by the site of the patch and blisters in the inside of the patch. i had called the doc and twice was told he would get me in early. This past Thursday I reached my boiling point in how I was treated by the staff. I have a disease that will not get better. it can probably be maintained if i get the right doctors to maintain the degeneration in my back and neck. I have asked to be seen for an earlier appointment due to the problem with the medication side effects myself since i was not called. I was to absolutely not i had to wait til my appt date. If you are in pain and have been in pain to the point of crying you get that I needed to be seen to rework the pain management of my pain. Well..needless to say no one should be made to feel inferior by the staff or the doctor. I am changing doctors. I will keep on going until i get a doctor who actually understands and gives a damned about the pain issues without treating me like I am a pariah or crazy. If you have been in pain you know it can mess with the emotions a whole lot. It did for me. i felt belittled and looked down upon. Onward i go to try again. I am looking for a neuro doc to maintain my neck and back degeneration to keep me out of surgery to the best of what I can do and afford.
This is to the people who think that people who are in pain are addicts. Not all are, some do get to the point it happens. Not all do. I am not of those people who like the pain relief and not the high. The high feeling is temporary for me, but the pain relief is not. The FDA is trying to do right by pain medication, but neglect to care about the fact they knew it before and now they are cracking down. There are medications needing to be put through trials again for the simple fact that medication is a crap shoot in the first place. It has been told and there are warnings about the addictiveness of the pain meds. I have also seem psych meds being used in such that way as well. some do the same thing. if you do for one you do for others. Basically in ending this part...Not everyone gets addicted. The ones that do are not being monitored at first when it starts to show. If they were the doctors would have stopped the medication. Some cannot have them stop for the pain is real and it is harsh. Addiction needsto be looked at more closely to see the risk factors for this abuse of pills or illegal drugs. Not saying it will help, but who knows.
Doctors now more than ever treating patients with disregard when it comes to pain and mental health issues. it is sick and disgusting to see this happen to people all over. not being treated fairly and getting looked at differently, besides some of them treat you poorly just for being with less money. (opinion on last one) if they would treat people better they would get better responses from the patients most likely. Not everyone will be all good and happy, but we just want to be treated with respect.
Done with that...Good side of it is that there are many doctors out there who do give a damned and when wee find them we keep them. There should be more looking into the doctors who have conduct problems with patients and they need to be trained on the oath one more time more thoroughly. The oath is not there for fun.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
short and sweet
I am feeling horrible and horribly at odds with my own mind. I have tried everything including meds to help it and I found I need to keep the therapy going. It seems to be the way for now. I just started and feel like i just hit the nail on the head of all my hurt in my years and do i want to open that wound again while i am dealing with my neck issues. it will come together, I think...I just keep on going and hope for the best. Does anyone ever feel this way?
Thursday, April 3, 2014
a new start I hope
I love my husband more than I can ever love anyone. I have been put through a lot of hurt over my life and to tell the truth I was ready to walk out on him. I know I can make it through this hard path we have with out emotions being so off the wall in our own minds. One thing that keeps me trucking with him is because he is truly in love with me and he loves me deeply. The next blog will have more, but know there is something called love that can make it better even in the rough spots. Hope.
Monday, March 17, 2014
being real
I want to be real. I do not want to bother people because I feel like I am a bother to people. It is something that I feel in my mind. Whether that is real or not, I cannot be sure. I can't say I feel alone, but I feel on the outside of the world and all I want is to have a better feeling with life itself. I am not wanting to go away, that is not it. I want to be real. I want to be treated with respect again. I don't want people to lie to me. I don't want anymore of the anger I get directed at me for just being me. I know others will say I am complaining, but I have real things going on and I do not get the answers I just need to make my life as good as it can be when or if it may get worse with a few things. i want to stop being labeled by my bipolar "condition". If it is complaining so be it, but to be put off because i was labeled with a mental illness sucks. To sit and take the emotional hurt I have taken and to just go on and deal with it badly or not. I just want to be real to people not a scapegoat or a label. I have some dignity in me still to know it hurts and I still try to be real. My motto to end this is...Honesty may hurt, but when you lie it has to be kept up and the lies get bigger and bigger to the point you forget what is real and what is not. Honesty you do not have to be something you are not, you are just you. I like that kind of thing. Honesty is real.
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