On my mind

I am a vast wealth of emotions
Can I see past them all
Is there an answer 
To my question at all

I have the knowledge 
To get through the emotions
But when it comes down to it
I seem to forget it all

In my years of going through
The mental challenge I have
To sort through the emotions
It is a adventure in all

I am forever going to be
An emotional gal
The answer to my question
I have known it all along


Becky Smith                4/28/11

Flip up again

If there is a way to know
How I will feel in a day
I would be able to warn
Myself before it happens
Not feel like I am a mystery
To myself and others
I want to be one
In mind and body
Spirit and soul
With the things I have in me
I am always going to be uncertain
Of what my moods will do
I sit and wait for the next
Mood swing to happen
On and on I go
On and an I will keep going


Becky Smith            3/31/11

this life of mine

This life of mine
Is something to be misleading
Thinking that it is good
It is something that I want changed


What can I do to make it better
I feel my roller coaster moods
Counter productive
To what I really want out of my life


This life of mine
How do i know
When it will be right
If it will ever be settled down


There are some things I do
That are good for me
Yet when the moods go haywire
I am a basket case inside


This life of mine
Will it ever calm down 
Will I be something to me
Will I ever feel the same


Becky Smith                                             3/30/11

There are thoughts in my head

These thoughts cause me grief

Give me feeling of being useless

Of having nothing to go for

I am fighting a battle days in

And days out

Trying to figure out where I need to go

What I need to do

I am at a crossroads with my life

Maybe what men call

Mid life crisis

Trying to see where I fit in the scheme of things

I have come to the conclusion

That I will find who I am

One way or another no matter

What it takes to get to that conclusion

Rebecca Smith 3/3/11

That is my thought for the day.

My list is:

Help my hubby find a job.

Crochet and accomplish at three to six afghans

Write and type my poetry in the computer

Becky

I am at my wits end sometimes with my son. Sometimes having the strength to deal with it all is little to none. I get mad and want to throw the towel in and say forget it all. Here is something I know for sure, he is mad at something and takes it out on me. All I want to do is have a good day with him. I know it will happen, but it seems like it will take forever.

My one class for school is almost over. Doing good. I just feel the teacher was not being nice the last time I put something in the post for problems. Oh well could be my mood too. I knew what the assignment asked for and helped out some. I was not going to sit there and make it so easy for the rest to do, they are not thinking and the assignment was easy to read.

I have my good days and bad days. I am just me and want to have more good days then bad. I feel the need to write again so that is good. I just got to get it at the right time. I also am crocheting to help out my old job with a possible fundraiser. Scarves are being a made over here. have about 12 now. I need about 20 to 25 more for a good one.

This day brings to end, the day that I see things are getting better. It is weird cause I had two things go wrong today. Yet I am happy because my son is trying to do better. it makes me feel happy. I have gotten out of a mini bipolar spin too. Stress has a way of getting to my mood swings. Good that I notice it too. Helps me get through them somehow. Refreshed some is the word I can use right now for how I am feeling.

As for the recent surgery, I have healed pretty good over here. Considering all the things I did that I was not supposed to do, it healed just fine. Some pain where it was done. Felt like they juggled with my insides for giggles after the incision healed. I am good with that. It is funny I am sick or in pain most of the times, but I heal pretty quick.

Onto the next bit of news...I am still getting an A in my class. My next class is going to be math. Dreading math. It is not my best subject. I am going to do the best that I can and I am sticking to it.

Have a good day all. That is it for now.

Becky

I have not written in here in a long time...been neglectful because I am not sure that people are reading these. I am hoping that someone reads these because it is an insight into my mind at the moments I feel something plus a bonus of my poems too.

I have been through a lot since the last blog. I went down hill quick and went to the hospital again. It is an eye opener when you know you need the hospital to help straighten you out. It seems and feels like the pain will never end either. Probably not. I need to deal with that one as well as the mood swings I have. The never ending battles of bipolar disorder are always something for me to deal with. But I am happier at this point in time when the pain does not get me down. Have a good day all who do read this. I will try to keep it up again with the blogging. I hope that someone may learn how it is to be me.


birdie1120